Why is it okay for men to enjoy lesbian entertainment and not for woman to enjoy homosexual ones? It’s common for young men to fantasize and enjoy two women being intimate with each other but why is it so odd and repulsive for young woman to enjoy two men being intimate? My guilty pleasure is enjoying homoerotic comics, TV dramas, novels and anime. That’s why I find the idea of being looked at as weird and disgusting for my interest, when the opposite sex is doing the same, just plain ridiculous! That is the only reason for this particular fascination of mine to be a guilty pleasure.
This guilty pleasure began in middle school around 6th grade and the Internet was the source of it. I started off with short novels and fan fictions because of my curiosity dealing with how two men could be intimate with one another. This was brought on after watching a soap opera love triangle that involved a young man being in love with another young man. Upon first reading it the physical logic blew my mind and made me feel a tremendous amount of embarrassment, even though I was alone in my room. It just felt plain awkward and it scared me. It also made me feel ashamed as to why I was even reading this in the first place, so I put that curiosity behind me for a short while to cool myself down. I intended to not involve myself with that sort of content ever again but before I knew it my curiosity grew as questions arose and again before I knew it I began reading them again. I soon then became comfortable with the concept and logic to it and then I soon found myself obsessed.
My guilty pleasure has nothing to do with the basis of taboo and the moral sin of being gay. It just involves my insecurities of still being accepted upon revealing this uncommon and weird interest. The only fault in this is how this interest is changing and taking over my life. It literally is. I find myself reading homoerotic comics everyday instead of studying. I know all the concepts and genres to it, which are endless. My art conception and style are also being changed by it. The hugest person I aspire to right now is an artist that is famously known for her homoerotic comic art. It’s not that I’m a pervert and find the sex so exciting and stimulating but I just admire the true beauty of it. The beauty of this love that will probably never be accepted and be well kept in secrecy for a chance at a normal life. To not be able to help whom you fall in love with whether it be a man or woman. The idea of how two of a kind that can’t be fit together like puzzle pieces, really do fit together. This logic has my heart churning and aching everyday. I suppose this would categorize me as hopeless romantic but I really don’t care.Even today I am still fairly shy as to speaking about my personal interest especially around men but then I think, remind myself and ask smiling “Don’t you like lesbian porn?” :)
